Lift my eyes to the hills and healing waters

I have been feeling pretty sentimental this week.  Maybe it's because Adriana would have been coming home from Germany soon.  Maybe it's because she should have been there last week when we travelled to Niagara Falls.  Maybe it's because she would have been my canoe partner on the church canoe trip tomorrow.  I have never been able to go on the canoe trip for whatever reason and I feel sick just thinking that she isn't coming with me this time.  At Adriana's memorial service our pastor shared a funny story from this trip.  Adriana lost her glasses over the edge of the canoe and jumped in to save them, insisting that she would be able to find them.  In the process she left my other sister stranded, crashing the canoe.  Adriana never did find those glasses but people never forgot it and forever teased her for it! My sister was intense and passionate about everything she did and it showed even in the little things like a canoe trip.  I guess getting ready for the canoe trip tomorrow has left me thinking about some things.


It is very strange how God works sometimes.  I was hiking on a mountain when I got the call from Germany informing me about Adriana.  Normally I prefer to do this hike alone but at the time I was showing the trails to a missionary family.  I'm so grateful that God knew I should not be alone this time! Maybe it was God's way of comforting me and letting me know that he was near.  For some reason, in God's sovereignty, that's where he wanted me to be at that time.  It is even a miracle that I got an international call like that where reception can be out of reach. It took awhile for me to hike this trail again because I associated the location with tragedy and tears.

Yet there's something about nature, water, and hiking that are very healing for me.  

Pico Duarte:

In March I had the blessing of hiking Pico Duarte for the 4th time!  There is something refreshing about pushing yourself to the limit and letting God meet you there. The views were breathtaking and gave me some renewed times of prayer.  The Lord kept saying to me, "You're worth it. You're enough" with every step that I took.  It's something that I needed to hear at the time because I had been listening to Satan's lies about what Adriana's death said about me.  I prayed for healing during this trek and standing at over 10,000 feet on the peak helped me feel this.  I really felt the Lord give me some extra doses of peace and healing during this trip.  Psalm 121 stood out to me during this time: "I lift my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and earth."

Here's a short clip about our trip to Pico!!

Niagara Falls:
Last week it felt so wonderful to be able to get away and see the beauty of Niagara Falls with my two favorite people!  Of course, I insisted that we squeeze some hiking into the trip and so we explored the Niagara Glen and some parks.

I felt so blessed to be able to go on these trips such as Pico Duarte, Niagara Falls, etc.  I don't really know what I'm trying to say with all this except- Do things that bring you healing and help you honor your loved one.  You are never going to be the same but you can let God use things to bring you joy and peace.  Find what works for you in the grieving process.  For me right now it means going on the canoe trip and finding those healing waters.

What do I mean by healing waters? A friend of mine put it this way:

 "It's as though death has left a horrible burn all over my body. There's not an area that hasn't been affected. And grief is this big ocean that looms before you. It's almost impossible to imagine the pain you're about to endure when you take your burnt body and step into it. However, in the process of the pain, the salt will cleanse the wounds. It will prevent infection from setting in. It will eventually be healing. It's about taking those first steps toward that ocean of grief and letting the water do it's work. Because even if you just stand still, the water will eventually come to you. So, you lay down fear of what MIGHT happen when you enter the waters and place your heart in the hands of Him who formed it, and let Him walk with you into the grief." ~Katie Gerke