Life in the Fish Bowl

"I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships, so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside". ~WP Young

My first reaction upon reading this quote was to snicker and roll my eyes.  Healing can come from people?! "Yeah, right," I thought, "I've been burned by way too many people."

As I got to thinking, I likened the grieving process to being in a fishbowl!  One night last week when I could not fall asleep, I kept thinking about this analogy.  Let me explain. Oftentimes, when you are faced with a tragedy, you feel trapped and have a lack of control over what happens.  Similar to how fish must feel in an itty-bitty fish bowl! You are also very fragile and vulnerable- any sudden movements and the bowl can fall and crash on the floor. You are hit with sudden waves of grief and emotions depending on the day, never knowing what to expect.

Source: Flickr / atticgirl

Fish also have no where to hide.  All eyes are on them in their transparent world. What often happens when someone faces a tragedy is that all eyes are on them.  How are they coping and reacting? Are they mad at God?  Everyone wants to know the details of the trauma and wants to give their two cents. Usually that's exactly what they are worth- a mere two cents!  People shudder and think, "I'm so glad I'm not facing their loss right now" or "Wow. I could never deal with that. They must be really strong." or "Wow. God is really going to use their story someday to impact others."

Yet few people actually jump into the fish bowl with the person and feel their pain with them.  People are content to peer over the edges of the bowl and watch the fish flounder around. Whether it is because of fear or uncertainty, people simply don't know how to help the grieving.  And so they sit, peering through the glass.

Please, if you know someone who is going through a loss, the best thing you can do is be present in the person's pain without offering advice or judging their way of grieving without fully understanding.  I know I was wounded and hurt by how some people reacted to my pain.  But that's another blog post for another day!

At the same time, there have been amazing people in my life who did sit with me in the pain and held me when I cried.  My amazing roommate Cyndi who was just ALWAYS there whenever I needed her whether it was to validate my feelings, listen to me, or to distract me with a cheesy movie.  Another shoutout to Courtney who spent hours every week listening to me vent and asking me those hard questions.  And so many others... you know who you are! Even though many of my friends are long-distance friends, it was still helpful when all they could do was check in on me from afar!

And another thought for you to take with you.  No matter how people treat you and how you've been wounded, ultimately when you take a step back and look at the big picture, it is GOD who is holding the fish bowl.  And I can promise you that He will never let the bowl fall to the ground and He ALWAYS keeps his promises even when people fail you and aren't there for you. Amen to that!

Ultimately, it is God who is holding the fish bowl.