Same posts, different look!

Please see my new site at bethanysfigtree.wordpress.com :)

Hiraeth- my home away from home

It was a typical day at the Caribbean Mountain Academy in the Dominican Republic where I worked as a missionary.  I was hiking the mountain behind our campus, guiding a family who had never been on the trails before.

"Are you sitting down?" a stranger asked on the other line as I answered my phone.

"That's strange," I thought. Normally I can't even get reception up here.

"I'm so-and-so from the German embassy".  My stomach sank, instantly knowing what she was going to say next.  I sat on the rocky ground in a daze as she explained the news of my sister's death.  I remember my friends surrounding me and praying for me as I stared straight ahead, not seeing anything but with tears streaming down my face.  I remember somehow making my way down the mountain but feeling like I was floating and not really experiencing it.

The 'spot'

Fast forward almost TWO years later, and I'm in the EXACT same SPOT where I had collapsed to the ground and heard the traumatizing news.  I remember that awful day vividly as I sit there now.  I look around and note that the place has not changed one bit.  Except for ME.  I'm not crying this time. Just reflecting.  I never thought I would come back here.  I never thought I could be in such a healthy place and survive this.  The pain is still there, but I can also recall how God has worked in my life these last two years, comforting me and healing me in his special way.

When I left the DR a year ago, I had many negative and bitter memories associated with it.  Coming back after a year allowed me to have closure and remember all the things I loved about this amazing place. The good, the bad, the ugly.  It's all here.  Except this time I feel lighter, able to remember all the good memories that I had while here.

There is a nostalgic longing for this place - a place I didn't think I would ever return to.  The English language does not have a word for this feeling.  But other languages have it - the Welsh hiraeth, the Portuguese saudade, the Romanian dor, etc.

It's a concept that's hard to explain, but one that the global nomad is all too familiar with.  

I left the DR due to circumstances outside of my control.  It just didn't seem fair!

But my visit to the DR this time around reminded me of something that I knew all along...

GOD IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL.

When I was stranded in Miami due to Hurricane Maria, I questioned whether I was really supposed to come to the DR or not.  Was I being foolish?  I was the only crazy American still on the flight trying to get there.  After the third or fourth cancellation I thought, "This is it.  I will sleep in the airport tonight and if it's cancelled tomorrow morning, then I will cancel my trip and go home."  I cried at this realization and a man from my flight kindly gave me his dinner and tried to console me.  He was a missionary in Santiago and let me read two of his books.  

The titles? Fearless Faith and Safe in the Storm.

Really?!

So I read them.  There was nothing else to do! 

But I felt such a peace at being reminded of God's sovereignty and control in the midst of the storm.

"We have all the desire to control things that we cannot, and we often forget how deeply God cares for us..

We think that if our circumstances change, we will be at peace...

Difficult times are opportunities to be grateful for the strength that Christ supplied, that we might endure them...

God will not protect you from what he can perfect you from...

If you are doubting his Sovereignty, review His promises"

Ok, God I get it!

Miraculously, the flight took off without a problem the next morning and I spent an amazing week in the DR!  I'm so grateful that I got to go back, spend time with old friends and visit some of my favorite places.

God is at work and continuously bringing me closer to Him, even though I can't understand it sometimes.